Perfectionism and Sound Healing - A Match NOT Made in Heaven
Recently I spent three whole days devouring this incredible book by Andre Agassi. I dog-eared dozens of pages with the pearls of his wisdom. It’s had such a profound impact on my mindset, I’m betting it’s going to affect how I do my life from here on out.
Anybody struggling with Perfectionism?
All I can say is read this book and be inspired.
Here’s how I see it:
To make a dream come true, to put feet on a vision, to create a life path, we need vision, commitment, inspiration, tenacity, strength of mind, courage, support, passion, self-discipline and perseverance… to name but a few! I'd also add in a hefty dose of faith, focus, and an ability to get up off the floor when you're on your hands and knees, face in the dirt. Oh … and there’s also authenticity. Becoming self-aware. Seeing others as your mirror and letting go of judgement so you can embrace acceptance and forgiveness. Are you still with me????
Making dreams come true, putting feet on a vision is all about how you do life. Period.
Sounds like a real serious commitment, right? That’s because it is.
On September 10, 2006 World Class Tennis Champion Andre Agassi retired from the game. A game he was often at odds with for his entire career. His story is a heart-wrenching, heart-opening tale of how perfectionism can steal our joy, in an instant. He is a testament to what it looks like to turn that around. How to be amazing and excellent while allowing yourself to struggle and lose, focus and win, focus and STILL lose. And be standing and okay at the end, immersed in appreciation for the grace of the experience. Fast forward, he is happier now than he has ever been in his entire life.
That's totally for me.
I've been a recovering perfectionist for years. My nickname when I was a little girl was "Perfect". It started when I was around 7 or 8 years old. What do you do with THAT when you're growing up? (I can tell you exactly what I did with it ... but that story is not for this post.)
This chronic habit of perfectionism followed me far into my adult life and was locked into place and intensified by my career as a professional classical/early music musician. Now perfectionism isn’t all bad … it’s a fantastic shadow to have as a musician because it makes you strive for excellence. And to create beauty that truly stands out, you need that. There is a LOT to be said for practicing and striving for excellence. But let’s not confuse a goal of excellence with a drive to be perfect. Perfectionism as a dominant motivator in any art form, career or life path is usually debilitating (and usually unconscious). The energy of perfectionism is not expansive or joyful. It is not about having fun or approaching creativity with wonder and curiosity. Perfectionism does not allow for the magic of mistakes in the creative process. It stops us from learning and growing and being aware of the immense possibilities and potential that are always available to us. The energy of perfectionism is contracting, hard, tight and limiting.
As my music career evolved out of the classical music scene, my entanglement with perfectionism began to unwind. It had to. And it took me quite awhile. In fact, I’m still working on it; old habits run really deep. Eventually, I figured out that I couldn’t play bowls, sing and let go into the ecstasy of the moment in a song with my perfectionist in the driver’s seat. I learned this through live performing and being in the recording studio, both of which expose perfectionism for what it is. I treasure many, many precious moments recording with my producer and collaborator, Thomas Barquee, his steady and loving presence, coaching me into letting go so I could immerse myself in the sheer beauty of making music, fully absorbed in listening as an intimate act of co-creation. To experience this kind of surrender, you have to be willing, to be willing, to be willing (yes, I did say that 3 times so read this sentence out loud so you can really get what I’m saying here) to let go of needing to be perfect.
How does perfectionism entangle with Crystal Singing Bowls? Well quite frankly, it DOESN’T!
It’s the nature of quartz crystal to amplify, transmit and store energy. If you’re playing your bowls and your perfectionist is in charge, this is part of the energy you are transmitting to yourself and those who are listening. And I’m pretty sure if you’re a bowl player and reading this, it’s not what you had in mind when you decided to embrace sound healing.
So here are 3 simple ways to begin to transform perfectionism into creative flow.
I’m relating all of this to bowl playing and singing, but they apply to pretty much everything we do in life. Here you go:
When you feel your perfectionist ramping up to take charge: Notice what is happening. Pay Attention. Then invite your body to Relax. Turn your awareness to your breath. Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it as you pay attention to your breath. Then, tune into any significant tension in your body and give that part of you permission to soften and release. All body tension affects the sound of the bowls and the voice. We need good tension to play and sing, but we don’t need the rest. (If you need help figuring out the good tension from the not-so-good tension or how to do this process, skip to the bottom of this post because that’s some of what we cover in Crystal Bowl Mastery™).
When you’re practicing, don’t think about making the sound (or your voice, or the whatever it is that you’re playing/doing) perfect. Allow yourself to change the word “practicing” to “discovering” and see what happens! This little change in word is significant. Take a moment and feel the difference in the energy of the word “perfect” and the energy of the word “discover”. Let yourself become a discoverer, an explorer of sound!
When you make a mistake, try not to wince. Listen with fresh ears and then make it again! And again and again! See if you like the sound of the “mistake”! See if something new emerges out of making a “mistake”. If you don’t like what you did, acknowledge that and make a new choice. But not until you’ve fully explored the “mistake”. (There is one caveat here for crystal bowl players and that is playing waaaayyyyy too loud. If you accidentally whack your bowl, that’s not a very good thing to repeat. For obvious reasons. Get the lesson and then move on :-)))) FYI, I cannot tell you how many times I make “mistakes” in live performances. Most of the time, no one even notices.
After years and years of struggling with perfectionism, I’ve learned to be kinder to myself. I learned to cut myself a LOT of slack. I now love learning just for the beauty and the experience of learning and doing. I don’t waste any time or life force energy learning in order to be perfect at something. (Notice I said “learning” and not trying to be perfect!) I learned to reach out for help, and with a lot of love, support and focus, I began shifting from perfectionism to process. I'm still a junkie for excellence, btw, that has NOT gone away. And I don’t want it to! It’s what makes my music what it is, and I’m very, very proud of it.
It’s all part of our divine journey.
I’m immensely grateful to one of my mentors for literally putting this book in my hands. Now if anything I've just written rings a bell for you (or a bowl ) go order Andre’s amazing book right now.
Thank you again, Andre Agassi ! I am changed by your example, your authenticity, your vulnerability, perseverance and strength. Please accept a big hug of gratitude and appreciation for the light you are shining for all of us.
And if any of you are ready to learn and grow on an incredible sound healing journey, I hope you’ll reach out and find a time to chat with me about bringing Crystal Bowl Mastery™ mentoring into your life. I’ve been playing bowls for over twenty years and have been a musician for over fifty. I would love to help you take your passion and love for sound to a new level of beauty and personal transformation. Use this link to set up an appointment for your free Crystal Bowl Mastery™ consultation to find out if this is the right step for you. It will be my joy to support you in any way I can.